We talk (rightly so) about the importance of belonging for new and continuing students 1 2 3. We run induction activities, develop learning communities, and invest time in projects to help students feel part of something. We do this because we know that for our students, a sense of connection can make the difference between staying and leaving, thriving and barely coping.
But what about the rest of us? What happens when you’re no longer a student (or were never a student) and still don’t know where you belong?
Lately, I’ve been sitting with a quiet, persistent disconnection. I don’t feel like I truly ‘belong’ anywhere. Not in my neighbourhood. Not in any community I could name. Not even in the vague, ambient ways people talk about support networks or friendship groups.
At work, I appear capable, committed, and engaged. And I am — but at a cost. I give 120% of myself to my job, because it matters to me, and because I care deeply about making a difference. But that means I go home with less than nothing. Cooking, cleaning, even basic self-care become insurmountable. Not because I’m incapable, but because there’s just nothing left.
This isn’t a cry for help. I’m doing OK. I show up, I work hard, I care deeply.
Resilience coaches will tell you not to live in the red zone; the constant state of fight or flight. But for some of us, that’s not a temporary crisis. It’s a baseline. Not siren red, but something heavier. Burgundy, maybe. A deep, worn-out version of red that becomes normal because it’s familiar.
People often suggest rest, self-care, coaching, therapy. But those things all require three things we often don’t have: time, energy, and money.
A recent iNews article reported that over a third of people feel completely burnt out but can’t afford to leave their jobs or access help. The advice offered? Set boundaries, take breaks, lean on your network. This assumes resources and relationships that many of us simply don’t have. It’s not bad advice. It’s just advice built on foundations we were never given or no longer exist.
And as support systems tighten, those cracks get deeper. Government plans to cut access to Personal Independence Payment (PIP) are set to affect hundreds of thousands of disabled people in the UK, many of whom already feel unseen by the systems meant to protect them4 5. For neurodivergent people in burnout, who often fall between diagnostic or administrative gaps, this only increases the pressure.
The support networks that we often hear about — the ones that appear in conference keynotes and leadership panels and glossy HR slides about work-life balance — they’re rarely made for people like me.
At every event on leadership or wellbeing, I hear how much people rely on their support systems; their partners, their families, their friends. I’m genuinely glad those systems exist for others. But I can’t help but wonder: what about those of us who are doing this alone?
We’ve built systems around the assumption that everyone is plugged into something; a family unit, a community, a partner at home. But some of us don’t have any of that. We carry it all. Quietly. Invisibly.
And we’re tired.
Belonging, we say, is about connection. But sometimes it’s about survival. It’s about having somewhere to land when the world becomes too much. And for those of us who are always in the red, maybe the goal isn’t balance, or wellness, or even rest. Not yet.
Maybe it’s just finding a softer red. Cherry, perhaps. Or apple. A red that still burns but doesn’t consume.
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. There’s increasing recognition, even if not yet enough change, around the toll of unsupported burnout, especially among neurodivergent people and those without a support network.
Charities and Support Available
- Dyspraxia Foundation
- Tourette’s Action
- The Donaldson Trust
- Inspire Genius Foundation
- Society for Neurodiversity (S4Nd)
- British Dyslexia Association (BDA)
- Dyslexia Action
- AchieveAbility
For those of you who want to dig a little deeper:
- https://www.advance-he.ac.uk/news-and-views/fostering-belonging-higher-education-implications-student-retention-and-wellbeing ↩︎
- https://www.hepi.ac.uk/2022/11/17/student-belonging-and-the-wider-context/ ↩︎
- https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0309877X.2023.2191176 ↩︎
- Disability benefit cuts to hit 700,000 families already in poverty (The Guardian) ↩︎
- Disabled employees burned out, with little workplace support (ABC Money) ↩︎
The Atypical Academic 
Leave a reply to Kathryn Cancel reply