Self advocacy isn’t something that comes naturally, not for me, anyway. Apparently this isn’t unusual in neurodivergent people; we often experience challenges in exercising skills associated with self-determination and self-advocacy. Unfortunately, these are essential life skills that have a huge impact on how we succeed in education, employment, and life in general.

As a people-pleaser, I’m much more comfortable advocating for other people and their needs.

Since being made aware of my burnout at diagnosis, and the reflection I’ve undertaken on how my burnout presents, I’m become more determined to try and advocate for myself. It’s like they say, “you can’t pour from an empty cup” (or for my fellow travel lovers, my favourite, “ put on your own oxygen mask before helping others”). Self advocacy is about me making sure I have sufficient oxygen to be able to go about my daily life.

I’d be lying if I said it was easy. Sometimes it’s been extremely stressful and upsetting. Unfortunately, we live in a world where most of the population are not aware of how debilitating neurodiversity can be. As a result, people tend to offer help in the form of encouraging you to push yourself harder, or make changes that just aren’t feasible for you at that particular stage. I genuinely believe their answers are without any malice, but that doesn’t make it any less hurtful.

Those of you that have seen my Facebook group will have seen my analogy; neurodivergent people are like electric cars so when the power is gone, it’s gone. There’s no way you can just power through. Neurotypical people are like fuel powered cars. despite the gauge saying the tank is empty, they can still run on fumes and push themselves just that little bit further.

I’ve recently reached a point of pure exhaustion. I function pretty well at work, but as soon as I come home I’m good for nothing, and all I want to do is go to bed and sleep. I’ve bumbled on like this for a few months but have finally realised that I need to do something about it.

I’ve built up the courage to ask my boss for an occupational health referral so I can seek advice from them, maybe consider flexible working or a compressed week or get some ideas about what I could discuss with Access to Work when they hopefully call me in the next couple of weeks.

So how can you advocate for yourself?

First and foremost, take the time to understand your brain and how it can be affected by your neurodiversity. Being aware of these will help you (and others) notice when you’re nearing burnout, or may need some assistance or adjustments.

Don’t feel pressured to disclose to your employers, friends, partners, or family members until you’re ready. You technically don’t have to disclose at all, but personally I’ve found it really helpful in advocating for what I need.

Don’t be afraid to say no; don’t force yourself to do social activities if you know you’ll pay for it through exhaustion afterwards – remember you have a choice and it’s up to you which activities (if any) you engage with.

The same goes for work; don’t take on more than you’re able to. Sometimes you may feel that a straight ‘no’ isn’t appropriate so consider whether there is something you could swap. Is there an existing project or responsibility that you could request that someone else could do if you agree to take on this new task?

Some things are easier to ask for than others; structured meetings, deadlines, noise cancelling headphones, natural lighting, or written instructions. Others may be more difficult, or perhaps you don’t yet know what could work or would even be feasible. For that reason, I’ve requested a referral to Occupational Health so I can use their expertise and guidance.

On a personal level, I’ve always thought of Occupational Health referrals as a last resort, yet for my team, I offer them really early on; why don’t I afford myself the same opportunity to access timely support?! I’ve learnt to advocate for myself in the same way I advocate for others, with the same tools available to me as they are to them.

Many people don’t realise they may be eligible for an Access to Work grant. I applied at the end of November 2023 and the waiting list was stated to be 12 weeks then (although I have heard it can be much longer at times, so check the website for the most accurate information). All being well, I should be receiving my phone call/assessment from them in the next couple of weeks.

You don’t have to have a formal diagnosis to be eligible for the Access to Work grant so it’s definitely worth taking a look at to see whether there are any practical things they can support with, including equipment or coaching, or even mental health support.

So, as tired as I am, I know I’m doing everything I can to advocate for myself and remove as many barriers in my professional and personal lives as possible. Instead of thinking ‘treat others as you would like to be treated’, for me it’s more a case of ‘treat yourself as you would treat others’.